miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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