I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize