I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think i have two assholes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
