Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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