Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
