Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
