I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
