If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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