FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
