The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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