how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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