Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
