so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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