i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
