i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
True college students do jello shots in the library
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
