So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
