So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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