My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
