If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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