I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
