i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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