i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
