yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can I color on your dick again?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I supernannyed him into submission
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
