I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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