I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
