Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
