It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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