Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
