I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
