hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
