A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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