After last night, I could never be a politician.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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