we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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