They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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