I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
