so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
