I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
