We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
