Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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