why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
