Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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