bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
