even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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