If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
