I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
