My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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