and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
