You smell like stripper and shame
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
