I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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