god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
