I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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