Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
