Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
