imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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