Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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