Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it's like heaven, but drunker
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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