My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
