omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize