Welp...herpes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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