Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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