He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
