i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
