What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
