i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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