dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
