dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
