There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
