youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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