No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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