Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
