she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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