Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
