apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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