"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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