I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
