Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
