Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
