It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
