I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
