So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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