please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
